In five years, Sanya Malhotra has performed in a record-breaking blockbuster, nationally acclaimed drama and several critically acclaimed films – all while struggling with a presenter with crippling self-doubts, she says she did not. Do not allow her to celebrate her success.
Malhotra debuted as wrestler Babita Kumari in her debut riot in 2016. After the global success of Aamir Khan’s sports drama, Vishal Bhardwaj’s flamboyant Patakha starred as half of the sister couples fighting there.
The actor balanced the strangeness of Delhi-set Badai Ho with the stillness of Ritesh Batra’s bizarre photograph.
In an interview with PTI, the 29-year-old said that all of his best-reviewed performances were the result of insane pressure not to make a single mistake.
“Earlier, as an actor, I was very harsh with myself. I would get angry at myself for making mistakes, which of course would not help me at all. I was tough on myself because I was still trying to learn a lot about the industry and the job. “I was trying to be perfect in everything,” Malhotra said.
Malhotra recalled that despite receiving critical acclaim, he never liked his work. The reluctance was so intense that she would cry herself to sleep, she said.
“When a movie came out, I would first give myself a report without noticing anyone- ‘I didn’t do it well’, so the next time I get a chance like that I have to work harder. With each release I go back home and cry to sleep. My family saw it so much.” However, she said that this need for perfection is completely new and contrary to the life she led in Delhi before joining the film. Malhotra, as a student, never pursued a good score, but something changed when she won the “Wrestle”.
There is no room for mistakes for someone outside of a film starring Khan, who is gaining a firm foothold next to another newcomer, Fatima Sana Sheikh.
“It was the pressure I put on myself in the first movie. I thought it would be perfect to get this opportunity. I had a minute of wrestling in the fight, but it took me 10 months. Not that I had an option, there was a lot of pressure from my end not to give up on a movie like the fight.
“That was my conditioning as an actor, it stayed with me. Then the second movie happened, and the third continued. There was a lot of unnecessary pressure, and I realized it was not worth it.” In 2020, Malhotra found relief from an unlikely source – the corona virus pandemic. During the nationwide lockdown, Malhotra was in the capital with his family and was preparing for the release of his first digital outing Shakuntala Devi.
The play, titled Vidya Balan, was released on Amazon Prime Video in the midst of an epidemic, which meant that all of its promotional interviews and events took place virtually.
For Malhotra, who calls herself “instinctively shy”, this opportunity helped ease her anxiety ahead of her release.
“Release week worries you, and when you promote a movie on top of it, it’s like you’re in the middle of anxiety myself.
“I was happy with my job. I realized that I could only control the reaction to the work I was doing. I had no other control than that. That realization happened then. Then when Ludo came out it helped me. I was completely relaxed. Now, I’m sure I’m celebrating the release, it’s not a big deal, It’s a terrible experience. ” Last year, after watching two of her films released on streaming platforms, Paglaite and Meenakshi Sundareswar, the actress was relieved of the pressure and finally reached a “good place”.
“I know I can not be perfect, but that does not mean I will not work hard. I’m not critical, because I was not in a good mood. I’m not doing it right, I’m right. I’m not going to take myself or my job seriously, that’s for sure now,” she added.